I too am the sort who gives and gives and gives… even though I now shut attempts at guilt tripping down cold (and usually let them know how angry I am at the blatant attempt at manipulation), I still love to give and do for others. I do it because it pleases me to do so.

…But one of the things I’ve had to work long and hard to develop is the ability to politely yet assertively express my own feelings, after dealing with people who conditioned me from an early age to ONLY give and give and do and do, and to feel guilty about even wanting anything in return. I’ve had to put considerable effort into overcoming the tendancy towards passive-aggressive behavior (which is what “guilt trips” are all about, after all) and be able to say, calmly yet clearly, “that is hurtful to me, please stop.” Especially to say that towards people whom I am happy to do nice things for… people who don’t want to do hurtful things to me, and who of course NEED that polite, calm, but clear communication so they can avoid doing the thing they don’t want to do. (As opposed to me simmering with quiet resentment and then exploding on them for offenses they didn’t know they were making… i.e. to overcome the unpleasant behavior I was conditioned to emulate)

So Clevin is offering to snuggle into jammies and eat ice cream… not to do anything remotely sexual, not to do anything potentially “aggressive” or “threatening” or indeed anything remotely like Alison’s previous boyfriends. He’s previously kept quiet as Alison and her friends discussed Moonshadow, never once mentioning how they’re expressing nostalgic sentiments towards the person who murdered his friend, almost killed him in order to distract Allison so she could escape… and justified it by saying “he was a rapist” and leaving old news regarding a scandal at his previous school (where he was, again, not convicted of anything… allegations are not proof. Unless you’re a serial killer wanting to justify murdering someone, or a zealot insisting that “accusation = proof” when it comes to people they don’t like and crimes they find especially objectionable).

In fact, the only reason I would say that he’s probably not a deliberate plant is that he clearly has his own friends and a life outside of Alison, that apparently existed long before Alison showed up in his life. But… that doesn’t mean he couldn’t have been suborned by someone else. That someone couldn’t have, for example, shown him the footage from security cameras from a penthouse apartment where Alison assaulted and abducted a screaming ex-boyfriend, and told him “it’s in your best interests to work with us – because otherwise you’re the next ex-boyfriend she comes after.”

I do my best, but it took a lot of work. It STILL takes effort to behave in a civilized and adult fashion and to not regress to the immature passive-aggressive behavior I was taught.

One of the best quotes I ever read on the subject was by a bipolar woman responding to a guy with OCD in regards to a change in the MMORPG we were all playing, “I learned a long time ago that it’s my job to adapt to the world, not the world’s job to adapt to me.”