Well, sort of, but you want to keep in mind that attractive != how you look. Sure, it’s a part, but god help you if you think that’s the biggest thing you have going for you (and I super explicitly include those people who are ridiculously gorgeous in this.)

*Thinks fondly of former housemate having screaming temper tantrum because she was prettier than me, and I was dating a bunch of people and she was dating no one at all. Somehow the connection with the temper tantrum never occurred to her…*

The individual in question became my house mate while I was out of the country, so I didn’t have a direct voice in the selection process – in retrospect much of our interactions could be encapsulated in me being perfectly happy ignoring her (I was busy!) and her finding that really offensive. It was almost worth it that she stole a bunch of my stuff when we threw her out, just to have her out.

But yes. And people tend to obsess about their looks, because it’s the easiest thing to obsess over.* And looks are a thing, but they’re only a thing. But both positive and negative feedback are self-reinforcing, and when things are going badly, we often latch on to explanations for why they’re going badly somewhat randomly.

I’m in my forties, and most of my extended social circle still does more of the dating as an extension of a social circle that folks picked up in college (or wherever / whoever they hung out with in the teens and twenties) – there is a context in which people hang out, often multiple interlocking contexts – and a more or less smooth transition to hanging out as a group to hanging out one on one, which lowers the energy barrier. (There still are a lot of people with a noted preference for social group exogamy – but at the same time, there’s a subculture compatibility thing, y’know?) Dating in a more strict one on one context sounds really hard.

(I’ve tried a little of it. Mostly it seems really frustrating.)

* I’ve totally done, this and often my reasons were really stupid. If I had no trouble finding people to be involved with, and I was usually doing the dumping (or the setting up with other good friends of mine, which is the kinder gentler version of dumping and there’s nothing like being single and the third wedding of an ex you’ve set up with a good friend…) and my problem was I couldn’t find anyone I could connect with in a way that made for a decent long term relationship – pretty sure my looks weren’t the issue!

it’s not so much about what exactly was said that made McUndergarments blunt and creepy so much as his clear confidence suggesting it.
He fell out of a freaking building- and then asked out this super famous chick like it was nothing?
That’s unusual and intimidating, and when advances are unexpected (as in not what they were expecting, unusual) and make the person scared or uncomfortable (intimidating), the advance is called “creepy.”
the only reason he wasn’t only creepy was because he pointed out that he wasn’t likely to get another opportunity, so his request was less out of the blue.

Clevin, however, would have to push it super hard to come off as creepy, so he’s pretty much completely safe from that.
His problem is that he has already slid into the position where Alison is completely at ease with him- she isn’t as attuned to his meaning because she had the preconceived notion that he just wanted to hang out.

the ideal flirting relation is one that isn’t so familiar to be totally comfortable, so that the participants don’t have any existing ideas on what the other person wants, but familiar enough to know how the other person expresses themselves so that they know how blunt or explicit they usually are as a comparison.
this makes them more comfortable around people who are straightforward about it and sensitive to those whom are subtle.

I think confidence is a misnomer – and it’s important to name it out because we already have enough creepy entitled pseudo Nice Guys whining about all the things “They Aren’t Allowed To Do” and so it’s worth distinguishing why this isn’t something perfectly reasonable, like being confident, and why even invulnerable Alison’s sketch-dar is pinging.

Because he did a couple of things that were both super smooth and super boundary pushing in a weird and manipulative sort of way. Which isn’t to say that these absolutely couldn’t just be accidents – we all screw up – but these weren’t dorky mistakes, and they did happen pretty close together. Two orange flags is enough to pay attention to.

1) The butt touching bit. Alison has just saved his life and is flying him to the ground and he starts joking about how she touched his butt. Now look, there can’t be many professional, impersonal, modest ways of holding someone while flying with them. There just can’t. This is the kind of situation where well mannered civilized people end up touching more than they ought, and everyone handles it as gracefully as possible – especially since it’s unavoidable. (Not talking about active groping situations.)

Instead, in flight, so in a situation where Alison’s only escape is dropping him – which isn’t going to happen – he ups the sexual innuendo, and ups in in a way that implies she’s somehow at fault (even if maybe he enjoyed it). This all about making her uncomfortable, and getting into classic pick up artist territory.

2) The shirt. The power dynamics there are super straightforward. He asks for her phone number. She hesitates, and returns with a request for his – further contact might be good, but on her terms. So he seems to go along with it, but he does so in way, giving her the very shirt off his back, that creates a perceived obligation. So her attempt to regain control is totally undermined. (But only if she doesn’t roll her eyes and go “Fucking manipulative player. Nope!” But she’s, what, twenty? She probably needs years more practice in the school of nope.)

Confidence can be hot (though totally unequal confidence needs to be balance out somewhere else). And theoretically, all the above shit could be accidental coincidences. But… it seems like an awful lot of them, especially for a super hot guy in his underwear.* (What the hell was he doing on his balcony, anyway? I mean, I guess maybe there was another balcony he thought he could climb down to or something?)

* I probably should not extrapolate from my experiences as a con-kid with hot guys in their underwear. I mean, it’s at least possible that Max was not choosing this as a public presentation garment…

I wonder if part of Max’s forwardness was due to the near death experience and a sudden urge to live life fuller and take more chances. Obviously its speculation especially since we have zero background on him.
I also wonder if he considers Al equally invulnerable emotionally as she is physically.

Well, I come here enough, you tend to recognize some names that pop up.

And considering Max I found it really interesting that nobody saw his reaction as a subversion of the very unrealistic but still altogether common Dude saves damsel and she holds him close saying “My hero, my love!” trope, instead of jumping straight to the, albeit definitely fair, Real people don’t act like that.